Day 1 (But Really Day 4)

The first post of a blog you feel passionate about is always the hardest. I have to be objective and realize the way that all of my ideas are swimming around in my head is decidedly not the way to put them to the world. They are erratic, sporadic and, let's be honest, completely incomprehensible. No; I need to organize my thoughts for anyone most unfortunate enough to read them. I need to organize my thoughts for you, should you choose to digest them. And I truly hope you do because I'm going to need some help with this one. I'm going to need some accountability. Writing in my journal doesn't do that, and it cramps my hand. But a blog? My fingers are rejoicing at the thought!

This is me. I'm 24 years old, my bangs are growing out and that jacket is actually a salmon color. I have my septum pierced, I work for my dad in Houston, Texas, and this is The Year I Dated Myself.

I've had many goals lately. Mostly those involving getting into shape, picking up hobbies, eating healthier. But last night I realized I was doing all of those things, making all of those things my goals (or resolutions, if you will) because I wanted to be more interesting. I am so one dimensional, I've even bored myself. But I don't want to become un-boring just in time for some guy to reap all of the benefits! I don't want to improve Ashley, hone her, sharpen her and mold her just to have zero alone time with her! Oh no.

No, I am going to reward myself, with myself. I am going to do all of the things I wanted to do with my exes. I'm going to do for myself, all of the things I wanted them to do. Because why have a significant other do for you the things you've never even done for yourself? Why should I expect him to buy me flowers if I've never bought them for myself? If I deserve a fun date, I'm going to take myself on a fun date whether I have a boyfriend or not.

This is my journey to myself. I want to have a crush on myself, then spend more time doing the cute things people say they like doing on their online dating profiles. Then, I want to really like myself. I want to enjoy spending time alone, with myself. Then I want to realize that a day without me, the real me, would be a sad and lonely day. Then I want to learn new skills and have long walks on the beach with myself until the undefinable, indescribably yet completely tangible moment that I fall in love with myself. This is the year that I become good enough for me. This is the year that I prove to me that I deserve the sweet things in life.

This is: The Year I Dated Myself